“When I stopped to get something to eat about half an hour ago, there was this woman who was ordsering food for herself and her annoying little bastard kid. Crying crying crying. Mommy Mommy Mommy! She got her food, then went off. Only to return a few moments later, barge in front of everyone and held out an empty plastic beaker. My son dropped his Sprite, she said, with a look on her face like, Gimme another one, you! And the guy did give her another Sprite. But I wonder about this. Why do people expect to get a free drink cos they’re too bloody clumsy to not spill it? Does this sort of thing happen in any other sort of retail outlet? Sorry Mr Vodafone, this bloke stole my phone just outside the shop, can I have another please? Dear Apple, I was mugged as I left your store, please can you send me a replacement iPod… I do-ho-hon’t think so.”

See, Craig is even more “British” than I am!

However, the waiter making a big deal about it sucks.

Anyway, it looks like you’re doing things the New Zealand way – never complain, just leave and tell your friends about it. I think we find it impolite to tell someone that their food/service/decor is crappy, no matter what we have paid.

But I agree on giving them a second chance to see if the problem was just a grumpy waiter.

and r. sez: this is exactly my point! you guys were doing YOUR take on being ‘Japanese’ by not complaining, but you were really thinking “these waiters/staff are being jerks”…and the friction created by the intensity of your thoughts and your on-actions only harmed YOU. (jean’s rather un-jeanlike entry, and the fact that you were “has troubled…for the last couple of days about it.” now please don’t mis-understand, i’m not saying that the difference between really BEING japanese or not is NOT feeling this hostility towards being mis-treated by the staff in the first place. i’m sure that an ordinary japanese person WOULD feel a little uncomfortable…but the IMPORTANT thing is, that this waiter already ‘CANCLED OUT’ his ‘japaneseness’ by treating you guys that way in the first place, so there was no real reason (other than obviously your transcending grace and presence of mind) to ‘rise above’ and take the route that you did.

or let’s try this from a different angle: let’s imagine that a japanese person, after living in america for a few years, with a prettey decent command of the english language, one day goes to an eatery, and the waiter is actually a VERY good waiter and does a really good job serving them. they even think ‘hey, this waiter is a cut above’ but after the end of the meal…for one reason or another they FAIL to tip the waiter accordingly (i.e. a little more)…they have in a larger sense, ‘failed’ to understand the ‘service’ culture itself as it is represented in america.

>Asking for another beer felt like
>waging a total confrontation.

ah, but a ‘total confrontation’ was already being waged against YOU, my friend!

in i totally PUBLIC space (like a train or something) i think that a japanese person who feels they are being ‘wronged’ in some sense (i.e. a woman who sees someone reading a pornographic magazine that REALLY, REALLY offends her) tends NOT to take any action, the reason being the standard “i don’t want to cause trouble for the other people on the train”…which is, from a very self-less POV, understandable.

now getting back to your case, which was in a semi-PUBLIC place (where you were paying for a service or goods) i think that some (but granted not all) of the japanese people i know actually would have complained, as long as everyone in group at the table seemed to share the same opinion that a member of the group was being ‘wronged’ by the waiter. here the ‘strenght’ of the individual supported by a unified group/collective psyche tends to yeild situations where we can find japanese people being just as protective of their ‘right to appeal for proper service’ as an american (usually only exersiced after some extremity has been passed). in brief, complaining directly to the staff IS among the gamut of ‘possible’ japanese reactions to this situation. you guys using the ‘when in rome’ excuse of course doesn’t support non-action. so there must be another reason.

but more than this, isn’t it just more healthy over all to blow off this kind of steam ON THE SPOT by taking honestly to the waiter or staff, getting your free beer, and feeling, if not totally better, at least not like some kind of victim of the waiter’s rudeness? it saves a lot of blogging after the fact, i think.

anyway, i think that the cafe in question IS pretty cool (i tend to agree w/jean’s earlier write-ups of the cafe). one waiter isn’t enough of a reason to write the whole place off. but if it happens again…